I
belong to that age of women who are 1) desperate get married and have children; 2) to have a child without a husband; 3) high risk primigravidas! Ofcourse, 1) I am not desperate. I have mentioned in my earlier blog that I have resolved not to have a family before I became 40. Over the years, I have convinced myself enough that I do not need a man and a child to make me who I am. I am me...and happy to be me. I feel whole. Who says I am not? Am I rationalizing? Perhaps. But that belief sticks with me...married or not...a mother or not!
2) I do not want to raise a child without a husband. That is definite. A child is another human being, I do not want to give him baggages and garbages to carry in the future
just because I want to make myself "whole." I grew up having complete parents and for that I am thankful...I have a good life and despite my neuroticism...I feel I am a well adjusted significant member of the society. Thanks mom and dad!
3) I am scared of being a high risk elderly primi! Why does the medical community have to use the word "elderly?!!" Geez. I am scared of premature births, multiple births, diabetes, hypertension, hemmorhage. contracted pelvis, anemia, thyrotoxicosis...etc. etc. etc. Wouldn't you be? All the possible complications the OB-Gyne Society can think of. Although I have not seen an elderly primi die during birth giving....I have seen those who cannot get up from bed for months, had transfused blood, and countless other medical complications that will let you stay in the hospital and pay exorbitant medical bills! OK...the bills can be handled. But my health?????
So I say....not now...not yet...
I know I would be an awesome Mom and I will have an awesome kid! That's what keeps me wanting it. If I were to invite a stranger in my life....I would make sure he would have an awesome life with me! A kid deserves that as well...and more.
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